#87. 10 Ways to Cope with Difficult In-Laws-Christiana Stephen

Hello Moms,

Happy New Year in Advance…

Continuing from our yesterday’s update on how to live above hate. I have decided to play around this particular topic. In this topic you will learn how to live with people who constantly give you reasons to hate them. This topic is addressed because we are few hours away from a new year and it is important we learn how to live healthy and above hate.

Erica Williams (2011) says -you can choose your husband, but unfortunately you can’t choose your in-laws. In-laws are the baggage each partner brings into the relationship.  The baggage could be good, or it could be bad. Just the same, there are some people who are lucky enough to have in-laws that welcome them into the family with open arms. Then there are others whose in-laws are everything but welcoming. So unfortunately, if your loving and supportive husband just so happens to have a family that’s comparable to the in-laws from hell, you still have to at least attempt a positive relationship with them, for the sake of keeping the peace within your marriage. You don’t have to be best friends with his sister, take marital advice from his mother, or even call his father ‘dad,’ but you should at least make the relationship as cordial as possible.

Trust me when I say some in-laws are a pain in the neck. They would never let you drink peacefully. Sometimes they make marriage more difficult than it is already. So many people have this experience of having to handle annoying in-laws. Today, I have decided to write about this so that we enter 2017 knowing exactly how to handle them

  1. Ignore them: the most painful part of this is that when some one is constantly fighting you or looking for a reason to fight you they just can’t stand you acting like they do not exist. No matter how difficult this is. One best solution is ignoring them. Act like they really do not matter to you. Make them feel what they are actually doing by acting matured. Ignoring people can be very annoying and believe me it works like magic.
  2. Give them space: do not go into their space. even if you love them so much, love can be done from a distance. When you give people space, it always gives them room and time to reflect on their attitudes towards you. Avoid their space, do not try to be overly nice. Sometimes people will hate you no matter how nice you are.
  3. Be happy: Make sure you show you are happy. They want you to be sad so do not give them that opportunity. Be happy even when you are so sad- do not let them see it. Sing loud, laugh as much as you can. It is a good way to handle annoying people.
  4. Do not pick fights but stand up for yourself: do not go looking for trouble but always be ready to stand up for yourself. Marriage gives no one the right to be harsh on others. so stand up for yourself.
  5. Understand the situation: sometimes it may just be that 2 people are trying to be captains in a boat. draw the line. Your home is yours and you should protect it.
  6. According to Gonzalez- Writing about mother in laws says – Remember that your gain can feel like her loss. Try and practice empathy with your future MIL. While you are excited about the beginning of this new phase of life with her son or daughter, for them, this new phase can serve as a reminder that their “baby” is no longer a baby and all of the complicated feelings that go along with that. It may stir up resentments, feelings of aging, anxiety about their relevancy in their child’s life, fear of you shutting them out, a feeling of being “replaced”… even if these things are irrational. So, when you feel that your MIL is attempting to assert herself in ways that push your buttons, take a moment to remember that it is likely less personal to you than it is personal to her. Empathy can only diffuse a situation as you remember that this woman is less your combatant than potentially you in another 25-30 years.
  7. Show them Kindness: no matter what you don’t have to hate them. Be kind to them. They need your kindness but be wise at it.
  8. Don’t always report them to your husband: unless it is very necessary. Do  not always run to reporting them with that you may cause problems between them. Learn to handle issues the best way you can.
  9. Accept them for who they are: the truth is they may be fighting battles that you do not know about. You may just be on the receiving end but not necessarily a target.
  10. After all said and done-keep your distance.

Photo and Make Up: Me; check out @ceemds.com

Model: My Mom

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Christiana Stephen View All →

I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the work reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.

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