#93. Just Before the Divorce-Christiana Stephen

Hello Moms,


Difficult but interesting topic to explore. Marriage is a beautiful thing but at the same time a very challenging union. It takes a lot of efforts, commitments and sacrifices to be in marriage because this means that even when you do not feel it, you are forced to act like all is well.

Every marriage has its own ups and downs. No matter how much you love yourselves they are times it becomes so dry that you can hardly feel it. Some time people do not dictate this on time until it becomes worse and beyond repairs. Today I have decided to share some tips on how to dictate when your marriage is stale.img_9337

  1. Lack of communication: communication is a very important tool in marriage. It could either be verbally or non verbally. The moment you realise that you two do not have anything to talk about and there is a change in how you used to talk, then start reviewing things. Partners are meant to communicate and when that is no longer there then something is really wrong. If you no longer have things to talk about with your spouse, or don’t seem to care whether you talk to them or not, you really need to consider the fact that your marriage may have gone stale. Being aware of each other’s daily activities in details is important; the challenges, tasks, pains, acheivements etc makes up the whole communication process. Communicating about your feelings for each other and the things you like and do not like about each other is also part of it. So when i say communication, I do not only mean the good, I mean every little thing.
    So if you feel you can’t tell your spouse how you feel about them or share how your day went with them,  seek help.
  2. If you no longer spend time together: I understand that life can be so busy especially with kids, jobs and so on but the time with spouse shouldn’t be compromised. If you do not find yourself making time to be with your spouse but all you do is give excuses of why you can’t be with them even when these excuses are not good enough then your marriage is slowly hitting the rock. Some people act like they are so busy only when it has to do with their spouse; giving irrelevant excuses just to avoid spending time with them, your marriage may be getting stale. Watch it. img_9387
  3. When Kissing is too much to ask for: Can you remember when you first got married, and even when you were dating? Can you remember how often you wanted to be with that person? how often you kissed that person? At every slightest thing kissing was your way of saying welcome home or goodbye. That passionate kiss. Does that still happen? Those kisses, hugs, sweet words, love messages etc. If that is no longer it then the fire is gradually getting off. Wake up and start again, go back to the drawing board and think of how sweet it used to be and bring it back again!
  4. Your intimate life is almost gone: sex isn’t everything, your relationship should not be based on that alone
  5. , however, a healthy relationship should include a healthy intimate relationship with your spouse.img_9350
  6. When you do it for your kids: Kids are a beautiful part of our lives, however, they should not be the essence of your togetherness. When you get to the point of saying I am doing this for they kids then it has gone stale. Before the kids came it used to be you and your spouse and one day they kids will get married and move away so you must work to keep your relationship strong with your spouse as well.
  7. When there is so much bitterness inside of you: bitterness tears people apart. And a lot of times we do things that make our spouses so bitter. When it gets to the stage where bitterness is more than love then seek help.img_9372
  8. No trust: trust is very important is anytime of relationship. Without trust a lot of things will go wrong. When you live with someone you do not trust it is always difficult to believe anything they say, however, for the sake of you r marriage you two can come together and work it out.
  9. When you do not have the desire to be there for your spouse.
  10. When your thoughts towards them change from positive to negative.
  11. When you begin to expose their flaws to outsiders.
  12. When their feelings mean nothing to you and vice versa: a lot of times we shut our spouses up and refuse them to speak about how they feel.

Marriage can be a challenging journey, before you get too far away from each other always learn to know when things aren’t right and address them immediately. Do not wait until it is too late. Try not to over spiritualise everything, sometimes all you two need is to talk things out.

Just before the divorce try one more time.

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  1. This is an eye opener for married couples. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. May God help us through. Welcome mom Christy

  2. This is a life changing tip!very helpful!!!Thanks Christine.I think transparency is also a valuable tool that we women can add to the tips you have mentioned above.I realise that we can’t build a trusted bond with our spouses when we hide part of ourselves.let’s open up and be truthful about the cost of the make up set we buy from the designer shops for example and see how far we can build trust with our spouses.

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