#94. 5 Invisible Killers of a Mom’s Sexuality-Christiana Stephen

Hello Moms,

Sexy silhouette of a couple

I am beginning to enjoy exploring controversial topics because I find them really important.

Many couples have argued about sex at least once in their marriage and a lot of people see sexual problems as the main issue. I have heard a lot couples share their sexual story and these stories range from:  He wants more sex and I don’t. He acts like sex is the only important thing.  He says he needs sex to feel close and she doesn’t see why her snuggling, cuddling and stuff she does around the house doesn’t do it for him. She says she needs to feel close first to have sex and he doesn’t see why sex doesn’t help her to feel close.

Sex is a huge and daunting topic but I will try to make it as simple as possible. I find sex and sexuality interesting. While sexuality means the capacity for sexual feelings, a person’s sexual preference or sexual activity for reproduction. Sex on the other hand means the state of being male or female: men or male animals as a group or women or female animals as a group. Physical activity in which people touch each other’s bodies, kiss each other, etc An activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse. From the definitions it seems as if sex and sexuality can be used interchangeably but I will prefer the one sexuality in this article.

They are a lot of things I find weird about sexuality, those are the invisibles that dry up our sexuality. I will share just a few and tell you how to handle this if you find yourself in such situations.

  1. Sexuality is a strong feeling: this is a very weird fact to me because to me I cannot understand why 1 minute the feeling is so strong and the next the feeling just refuses to come back. This happens a lot to moms. Especially in pregnancy and after childbirth. For some once they feelings go, it just refuses to come back. No matter how hard you try. I have struggled with this issue for a long time but today i am sure I struggled to be a solution to someone else. If you must get the feelings back, they are a lot of factors you should consider and questions you should ask yourself. Question 1: why did this feeling go away? What brings this mood back? How can I remedy the situation?.
  2. Hormonal change is one vital factor that controls our sexual feelings: it is really difficult to have full control over our hormones. This is bizarre. Why can’t I have control over my feelings .This also includes pregnancy period, breastfeeding etc.
  3. Stress: whether we agree or not, stress can actually reduce the spark and sexual drive. Stressed about everything around. House chores, work, family meals, family fashion et al, they all add up to stress us up. They exist like they don’t, because we do not see stress, we never think it can drain us dry. Try to ease off on life a bit and don’t be too uptight about anything. Take it a day at a time.
  4. Multiple roles: as a mom we are always on the go, just because we play over a thousand roles a day makes it so hard for us. MY typical day means I am a cook, a friend, hairdresser, thinker, analyst, adviser, guardian, driver, mom, wife, full time researcher,daughter, friend, companion etc. By the time I am done playing all these roles, the body is too tired to switch to a sexual partner. (laughter). This is our typical life and much more. It hard to cope but remember in all these the only one thing that you share intimately with your spouse is sex.
  5. Wrong Language: every woman has a love language, this love language is just what your body understands. If the language isn’t applied, a lot of moms don’t even get the urge for sex. This language differs from one to another. For instance some people’s love language may just be a kiss to spark the moment while others may just need a decent intellectual conversation to fall. Whatever your love language is always make sure you discuss this with your spouse. Stop faking it, remember we are learning to be real and true to ourselves and our spouses. So always discuss your needs with your spouse. Do not shy away from this, if he doesn’t know, kindly tell him  for your own benefit.

I hope this has opened our eyes a bit. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, share and most importantly be a part of this community-For  Moms By Moms

 

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Christiana Stephen View All →

I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the world reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.

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