Yesterday I wrote about ’10 things you should never say to your daughter and I am quite happy I got constructive feedback. Today I have decided to write about they things we should never let our sons do.
I have 3 sons and truthfully these things are things that I find myself consciously doing so that I can help them see life from a better angle.
- Shouting: do not let your sons scream whether at you or someone else, it is totally disrespectful rather teach them how to pass their thoughts across without having to scream their lives out
- Hitting a girl/woman: the girl could be a sibling or whoever, the earlier you start teaching your sons that it is extremely wrong to hit a girl they will grow up with that impression and stick with it. Yes both mommies and daddies have a lot of work to do and some of these means that you just have to be watchful and sensitive and never take things for granted. When I see my 2 year old son hitting his big sister who is 3 years, I freak out and spank him immediately then let him know how wrong it is to do that and that girls like his sister should be protected. I don’t buy the idea of he his only 2 . The truth is the more excuses we give the worse they become. So handle the situation immediately not as an after thought. I was opportune to listen to a woman who told me how she reported her husband to her mother in-law for raising his hands on her and guess what? her mother in-law told her she deserved it and should never provoke her son. I couldn’t believe what I heard. How can you support your son’s dirty habit and promote domestic violence. In some cases you hear -that’s how the father hits me and we are still together. I weep when I hear certain things and I know for sure moms have a lot of work in this regard.
- Violence: kids hardly understand that what they are doing is violence. The dictionary defines violence as using or involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. It is being forceful or acting unnecessarily powerful. A child can be forceful towards you when you don’t even think it is. So watch out for such threats and be sure to deal with it appropriately. A lot of this violent act were acts that were overlooked by we parents
- Unrestricted Internet Access:there is a lot of junk on the internet and if you do not watch what your kids do on the internet you may not know. It is wise to restrict their access to it. Under age kids can stumble on porn and all the nasty things on the net which they aren’t suppose to be exposed to. Monitor what your kids spend time on.
- Not getting enough sleep: every child needs rest and good sleep. Put your kids to bed early. it will help them learn the habits of doing so at the long run. Do not let them stay out late. I see kids by 9pm still roaming the streets, kids as young as 12. What on earth are they doing outside with friends at that time?. Call me what you like but I still believe in the old way of discipline. It is good for you to put your children’s safety first before their emotions. It is not safe for a child to be roaming about at night, anything can happen.
- Avoiding House Chaos: moms and dads, it is time you stop making your sons believe that house chaos are for girls. It is very wrong. Every child should learn to do chaos. Like tidying up after a play or something, they just have to start knowing that they are part of the house and so they should take up responsibilities as well. Teach them to put things in place, clear the dishes and every other thing. Let us join hands and change the next generation of boys. The society should not take our responsibilities from us. The kitchen is not just for the girl, laundry isn’t just for the girl, even boys too can do kitchen chaos, cook and clean. Let them start understanding that this is not a big deal. If you do not teach them this, the world will never stop putting excess demands on us.
- Feel Superior to His Siblings: moms who fall into this trap are they ones who have just 1 boy especially within the African society. Do not give your son the impression that he his superior to his siblings whether or not he his the only son. Every child is unique and special, I personally do not believe the fact that because he his a boy that makes him better. As long as you are all my kids- everyone has equal opportunities and everyone is special. So in an attempt to make your son feel good with himself, avoid words that suggest that he his superior or better. Stop building up an egocentric son, we are already dealing with too many of them.
- Taking lots of sugar: For the sake of his health, avoid unhealthy meals. There is something called ‘child obesity’. It is not too early to teach them the right things. You really do not have to push them hard but teach them the benefits by doing it yourself. Don’t be a do what I say parent not what I do.
- Spiteful: this word means showing or caused by malice. Some of the synonyms include malicious, mean, nasty, cruel, unkind, unfriendly, snide, hurtful, wounding, barbed, cutting, hateful, ill-natured, bitter, venomous, poisonous, acid, hostile, rancorous, malevolent, evil-intentioned, baleful, vindictive, vengeful, vitriolic, vicious, splenetic, malign, malignant, bilious.
- Nag: people think nagging is peculiar to women, if that is your understanding then you are wrong- Men nag a lot and so does kids. According to the dictionary, nagging means to harass (someone) constantly to do something that they are averse to. This word has synonyms such as harass, keep on at, go on at, harp on at, badger, keep after, give someone a hard time, get on someone’s back, persecute, chivvy, hound, harry, bully, pick on, criticize, find fault with, keep complaining to, moan (on) at, grumble at, henpeck, carp at, scold, upbraid, berate. How many people have a child who nags? well I do, my son will keep saying the same thing for a million times until I do it and some times it is manipulative. Our kids innocently manipulate us and because we feel they are just kids we overlook. Well I had to put a stop to mine. If you want something say it once- as long as I heard you then that’s enough. Any attempt to manipulate me into doing that thing is a no no. With that you teach them that you also have the right to say no to their demands and let them learn how to be patient.
I believe that if we all put our hands together to pay attention to raising our kids- we will have a better future. Feel Free to subscribe, share, like and be part of our community. For Moms By Moms
I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the work reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.