The moment you become aware of self and the power within
Only then can you decide what part is right.
The moment you own your life and be a master of self
Only then can you impact your world-
Christiana Stephen (c), 2016
It is quite difficult in a fast paced world to be a woman and I find it quite difficult to be one. I only try the best that I can to accept that I am this way and I am probably never gonna change, however I must admit it is very tasking to be one. SO if you are a woman and you find this happening to you then it will be quite comforting for me.
From being a girl child in an African home, with lots of aunties around, the very common thing i saw was living above the expectations of the society. There are so many expectations, the once we impose on ourselves, the ones we were taught to be, the ones the society poses on us and the ones we just dream of becoming. That is just so much for one person to comprehend.
Growing up I had the impressio n that it would have been easier if I were a male child and truthfully I desired this at some point in my life. My grandma will say ‘sit down properly thats not how a girl sits, do not hang out, do not drink, do not and do not. the rules have always been too much for me to come to terms with.
The most demanding is dressing like a lady. Oh my! I will keep fighting about this and the one person who has been constantly on my case has been my husband. Must I wear a DRESS? Must I put on heels? why can’t I just be me. Wear my trousers and my trainers and just feel happy and comfortable. Why can’t I just be me and forget about what celebrities are. There are so many questions in my head but to stay healthy – I have decided to ignore what every other person’s interpretation of being a woman and just be me.
So the next time you find me on trainers and slaying my trousers and feeling like a cool tom boy do not judge- It is my new resolve.
I want to be me, I want to be happy, the society has forced us to believe that a woman has a particular way to act and a limit to what she can achieve, so many boundaries. We have been taught to believe that anything other than the norms are wrong. mY QUESTION IS -WHO DEFINES WHO A WOMAN IS? Whose idea are we all playing out? Must we be because we are told to be? I need answers. I want to understand who imposed all these dos on us.
Before leaving home, I literally have to scatter my wardrobe in search of what is good and honestly the most thing on my mind is how would people see me. The thoughts drive me crazy, I think of colours, which one will suit my skin, what perfume should i wear, what bag? Before you know it I am already exhausted looking for what to wear before going out.
A woman must cook, must clean, must work, must bath the kids, must satisfy her husband, must be smart, must be supportive, must just be everything if not she isn’t the real woman. That sounds like an angel has been defined.
My besty says It is fine to be womanly and conform with the societal discourse that dictates what a woman should be but never forget that the only person you really need to please is yourself- Olubunmi Onafuwa
That’s by the way, my pain stopped when I had my first baby then I realised I had more work to do than to bother about anything else.
My message to all women and moms- do the most you can, because no matter how hard you try there’s always someone who will think you aren’t doing enough. To stay healthy, try and reduce some of the stress on yourself, if you must look good, think of yourself first before any other person. Try and reduce self criticisms and sabotage if you must be live a healthy lifestyle. Anything that does not add positives to your life, just let it slide. Be concerned about your self. Life is already hard enough so do not add or let anyone add more stress on it for you.
Have a good Weekend. Do not forget this blog is for all moms, feel free to be part of us. Like, share, comment and be subscribe.
For Moms By Moms
I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the work reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.