I hope we are good. I have decided that we discuss some very pressing issues that bother us as moms and as wives. So today, a friend of mine asked me to speak about this topic. if you have not read my previous article, try and go through it, you may find something useful.
Essentially, a lot of women have struggled with getting caught up with a man who does not know their worth. It is quite a task to discuss this extensively but I will try. The most important thing to understand here is if you do not know your worth do not blame anyone who doesn’t. In the first place, your worth begins with you. The first step is knowing your worth, so try to sit down and discover what you are truly worth. When you know your worth, you can then dictate when people do not value or treat you right. They are so many signs that a man shows when he does not value you and these signs are evident in our day to day lives. Today, identifying those signs isn’t our focus. We will focus on how to deal with a man who fails to appreciate our worth. Whether the man is your spouse, boss, father or whoever he his to you, these ways will help you handle the situation.
- Quit Talking: a lot of us talk too much in trying to make people value us. We keep talking and talking but nothing changes. why don’t you quit the talking. Do not talk to the point where he calls you a nag. Because at the end of the day, that’s going to make you feel worse about yourself. Take for instance, certain luxury brands don’t do too much advertising on their products but people are still drawn to them. So if you have been talking and trying to make him see how you see yourself, then stop talking. Silence is a very powerful tool and a lot of times we women do not even know how to use it. Keep quiet about it, your silence can drive the person insane.
- Change Priorities: within the African culture, women are meant to believe that they are second to men and so when we get married, we take this norm with us. As a result, we put the man first. His needs, his life and everything about him comes first. When this happens, the man literally stops seeing you as a significant part of him, because you have made him a priority. This is also evident in how we treat our sons better than our daughters. We make our daughters feel they are nothing compared to the sons and so we start destroying their self esteem from childhood. We do all these because these are the things we were brought up with. However, in this situation, you have to change your priorities. Put yourself first in everything..If you buy gifts for him, then stop and redirect your attention to yourself. This is not selfishness, this is you loving yourself and I see no crime in that.
- Look the other way: hmmm, this means mind your business. Stop being too concerned about his activities; ie asking how his day went or calling or just anything. Look the other way, is a way of giving him that cold treatment of you do not exist. I do this a lot of times and I can say this works like magic. When you act like a man does not exist, he rekindles his fire and starts chasing you all over again.
- Quit chasing after Him: if you have confidence in yourself, you would not have to chase after a man. Stop chasing after a man, that’s his role. When you chase after him, you lose your sense of pride as a woman. If you keep chasing after a man who does not value you, what are you teaching your kids?. A lot of times we teach our kids to devalue themselves and accept people treating them anyhow. Stop chasing after him, that does not make sense to me at all.
- Change the way you look: sometimes because we do not look after ourselves enough, we start losing confidence in ourselves. If you do not like the way you look, then do something about it, if not then accept yourself for how you look. But I always recommend women look after themselves very well. Eat right and exercise. Look hot again.
- Improve on yourself: spend time improving on yourself so much so that you fail to see the nasty things he does.
- Laugh Hard: laughter is therapeutic. If you laugh, you make yourself look younger and more alive. Laugh and laugh again.
- Do not let him see you cry: crying is not bad but do not cry in front of him. Cry in your closet and when he comes around, you laugh so hard. It is painful but it is worth the try.
- Don’t let down your guards: this is very important. Rather than appear weak in front of a man, act strong enough.
- Stay around friends: friendship is a gift and good friend are the best therapies for a heart break. Do not run away from your friends. Stay close, let them help you through it. Don’t fake the tears in front of them.
Let me know what you make out of this article, Feel free to share, comment, like and most importantly be a part of this community. For Moms By Moms.
I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the work reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.