I have heard so many tales about having a new baby and all the lies people tell us. I have been there three times With my 4 kids I have spent time analyzing all people have told me over the years and I want to share some with you.
I had my first child through vaginal delivery afterwards my other kids came through CS.
1) Feeding your baby every time: this is the most common thing and I can’t fathom why we feed a new baby every little time they cry. Babies are as humans as all of us, with very tiny stomach. So I spent time thinking if as an adult with a huge stomach I feel uncomfortable eating every time why do that to a little baby whose stomach is so little. This explains why some moms just keep eating especially the breastfeeding ones.
As much as you love your baby so much be careful not to overdo things. Every minute food isn’t fair on the child. Babies need time for the food to digest, they need time to rest, they need time to discover themselves. It is not every little time you hear a baby cry that he/she calls for food.Sometimes it may just be a wet diaper, hot or cold room, a cuddle or something away from food. Don’t associate every cry to food. Research has shown there is child obesity, don’t aim for a fat child aim for a healthy one.
How to overcome this: create a routine for your baby. The more food, the more the space you give.
2) Eat for two or in some cases three: this is the worse advice anyone can give and I was given lots of it from people I looked up to. When you have your baby, eat right, eat healthy, fruits, vegetables are as important as carbs and proteins, water is also essential. Your meal regimen shouldn’t just change for the worse because you have a baby or are pregnant.
3) Your baby is more important; who says your baby is more important than you? This notion has made a lot of moms ignore the need to look after themselves after childbirth. You are as important as your baby. Look after yourself and stop giving excuses on why you shouldn’t. Eat right, sleep well, drink lots of water and fluid, do exercises, go on a walk, indulge in talk therapy, just be you.
For moms who have had CS, you find out that you have so much bloating that people think you are pregnant even 6months after delivery. This has a lot to do with what you eat and how you care for yourself. Remember after a C-Section you may not be allowed to do some sorts of exercises, so your meal so be fruit and veg friendly.
4) You will automatically become unstylish: Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you should stop doing the things that make you happy. dressing well, giving yourself a treat is really important. I am more stylish with 4kids than i ever was. Its all in knowing how to structure your time, and knowing how to balance your time.
5) Moms Know everything: being a mom doesn’t mean you know everything or everything that works for your baby. Most times you just have to learn on the go. Discover and study your babies to know what works. all babies aren’t the same, so be careful
6) Instant Bonding: who says bonding is instant? it isn’t, it takes time and effort. so don’t panic if you haven’t or still trying to, its one day at a time
7) You should change your friends: unless they weren’t good friends but i don’t see how being a mom means changing my set of friends. Making friends with only moms, thats not right. My friends are always my friends and for me it takes forever to make new friends so i really can’t afford loosing my old friends whether they are moms or not.
8) A good Mom stays at Home: being a great mom consist of everything but truly who is the judge? it is good to stay at home with your kids but if duty calls and you have to jump back to work, always try to keep tab of all your kids do. I realise a lot of moms love living their kids with child care providers but no matter what always relate with your kids, ask questions daily on how their day was and spend time with them.
9) You can’t get your body back: you can get your body back if you determine to work on it and be patient with yourself.
10) Your baby is rigid: no baby is rigid, i see babies as they most flexible sets of people. If you want to introduce your baby to something new, be patient, be persistent and be firm. do not try something for one minute and just because the baby refuses means you should give up.
For instance teaching your baby how to go to bed early, for my kids they go to bed at 8pm, no negotiations. At first they will fight change but if you keep at it they will eventually settle in. Growing up my grandma sends us to bed at 7pm and i grew up feeling comfortable with that.
11) Babies eat at night until they turn 2: this was one of the scariest lies i was told. How And i kept wondering why a baby should eat at night up till that age, what time would I even have to rest. as a result i started early with my kids to structure their time and for each 4 of them after 6months night food ends. If you are interested in knowing how i was able to do this drop me a comment
12) Childcare is only for moms: I think this is a lie most people have gotten so use to to the point where when the see a man nurse his baby it looks strange. If a man can make a baby he should be part of nurturing that baby. When I had my first baby my hubby and I practically learnt how to nurse together. Now with four kids I am amazed at how good he his with they kids. Changing diaper, kangaroo care, feeding, bathing. There is nothing I know that my husband doesn’t know about childcare. Every child needs both parents. If you are a mom I suggest you carry your partner along. Childcare isn’t just for moms. Let him be part of it. Once he his part of it,things will be lighter on you. Trying to play the role of a father and a mom at the same time when he his around just doesn’t make sense at all. You have your roles and he has his, put heads together and plan how to nurture your kids together.
Being a mom shouldn’t hurt if you add spice to your activities. do not spend time believing every thing people tell you. We are all on the journey, no one mom knows it all but be sure to study your kids on a daily basis because just like you change they also do.
Remember Babies are smarter than you think, if you do not structure their time they’ll structure yours and that may mean you working round the clock.
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I am Dr. Christiana Stephen, a wife, a mom of 4 under 4 year old kids, a photo lover, makeup artist, a wellness coach and a lecturer. Motherhood for me is ongoing, its a period of learning and unlearning. I am passionate about a lot of things but most importantly helping mothers around the world reach their wellness goals comes as top priority. Hence, I have created this community for every woman out there. Feel free to be part of this amazing journey of motherhood and wellness. I will say raising this community is inspired by my experience and learning process. The main essence is to empower moms on the benefits of healthy living as well as the need to create a life work balance.
I am nice so a lot of people say and I believe I am very approachable even when there is a lot to be done. I love teaching. I can teach on a lot of things including time and stress management.